Guest Column: Lionheart (FSM 105; April 2014)

I'd worked with AJ Styles in a tag match on the Friday night to set up our match on Saturday's Road To Glory, which was also going to be the main event. I was going to go over, so, as I'm the main heel in PCW, AJ was going to hit the Styles Clash after the match to send people home happy.

Had AJ been going over, the chances are it wouldn't have been felt the Styles Clash was required. Then again, in that case he'd probably have used it for the finish, so it would have been the same end result. Had I still been going over but the match was further down the card, there's a good possibility we wouldn't have done it.

I was nervous about the match because I expected it to challenge me, and be the most physically demanding bout I'd ever been in. I'd had more mainstream matches, such as against Jeff Jarrett for TNA, but athletically, this was definitely the biggest of my career.

We chatted over the match, but not in too much detail, as I don't like to get too much planned beforehand. We were going to be outside the ring a lot, which needs less planning, so there wasn't too much to remember, anyway.

A GUT FEELING
Just before the match, I had an instinct in my gut about the Styles Clash. It was partly fear of the unknown, and partly that, as wrestlers, we're taught to tuck our chin when we bump. You don't do that with the Styles Clash; on one hand, it's a simple move when you break it down, but it does go against the grain of your instincts.

I don't consciously recall ever refusing to take a move. I'm always happy to step outside my comfort zone, and think of myself as a very accommodating wrestler - I wouldn't refuse something 999 times out of a thousand. This was the most apprehensive I'd ever been, and the first time I'd wanted to say no to doing something. With Roderick Strong having been injured by the move recently, I really didn't want to take it. I don't know whether it was not wanting to offend a veteran, or maybe just my ego, but I ignored the feeling, anyway.
We did talk over the move, but not in great detail. With a wrestler of his stature, he can expect his opponent to be aware of it. In hindsight, obviously, I wouldn't have taken the move, but still, it would have been good to have had a dry run, and have AJ pick me up for it so I could get a feel for the positioning.

I don't have a great concept of time after the match ended. I remember AJ spinning me round, kicking me in the gut, and pulling me into position. I'm told he shook me to get my hands to drop into place, and I remember consciously extending my neck upwards as I was supposed to do, but I don't know whether tucking my chin was fatigue or just instinct to do the same as with every other bump. When he hit the move, I heard an almighty crunch, and then I could hear the crowd reaction: it was an "Oooh!" rather than a pop.

I felt the crunch and then... nothing.

FIRST MOMENTS OF FEAR
I don't know if it was seconds or minutes, but it took a while to even figure out what position I was in. Eventually, I grasped that I was on my stomach, with my face to one side. As I lay there, I believed in my head that I was paralysed. The referee asked if I was okay, and I told him I couldn't feel my legs, and then started crying. From where I was lying, I could see people in the front row in tears, and that made me even more emotional.

After what seemed like an age, I started to get a really sharp, excruciating pain shooting from my arms to my fingers. I could feel the tips of my toes, and wiggle them, but my legs were numb. When the ambulance crew tried to move me, I was screaming in pain - the worst of my life. I just remember people telling me that feeling pain was a good sign.

Getting me into the ambulance was a very long, draining process. They had to put blocks in place to stop me moving, then put a tube in my mouth to give me gas before they moved me. They then gave me morphine because the ambulance would be going over cobbles and rattling about.

HOSPITAL HOPE
Noam Dar, Kris Travis and PCW promoter Steven Fludder came with me to the hospital, and I started to get more and more feeling in my hands and feet. On and off, I felt more positive, and even in good spirits. Then the doctor looked at my x-rays and told me I'd broken my neck in two places; I broke into tears, and hope was just completely gone. I was moved to a ward, and told they didn't know if I'd be able to walk again. I'm not sure if I fell asleep, but it was the longest night of my life. I had so many thoughts, and my mind was going into overdrive. In the morning I'd regained feeling in my arms, but they were incredibly sensitive. Just blowing on my arm caused excruciating pain, and the nurses had to put a sign up warning people not to touch me, or to even move the bed sheets.

Both my parents and my partner Alison arrived at the hospital. I was okay with my parents, as they'd taken off the big blocks from the ambulance, so it was a less traumatic image greeting them. But when Alison arrived, I instantly burst into tears. It all came to a head as I realised how she would feel seeing me.

I had an MRI, and a spinal surgeon told me I had two breaks and nerve and tissue damage, but I didn't initially need surgery, and I should be fine to walk. By Monday afternoon, I was able to stand up and take a few steps; I was very out of breath, light-headed and nauseous, but it was still a good moment because I knew this was the worst it would be. The doctors decided I could go home in a neck brace, with a triple dose of morphine to get through the four-hour drive home - I'm told I was singing merrily!

ROAD TO RECOVERY
Since then, it's been a slow but steady recovery. I can spend most of the day without my brace on, but my neck's very stiff, and I can't turn it much. I don't have much strength in my right hand, and can only hold a cup of tea for about six seconds.

From the description of the incident, the doctors told me I should be dead, and that I'm incredibly lucky. It's possible that wrestling helped, because my neck was used to bumping, and had a bit of strength to it. On the other hand, my neck isn't in good condition anyway: there's signs of early arthritis, an unnatural bend, and wear and tear. It's difficult to tell how much of that had been caused by wrestling before the accident. The latest diagnosis I've had is that I should never wrestle again, but that this could change.

When I pushed back, they said that it's recommended I don't wrestle, but that it's an absolute minimum of six months before I do anything. I've set a personal goal of being back
in the ring before the end of the year, but I remain realistic and know there's a chance that might not happen - only time will tell. Some people have been inspired by me announcing that goal, while some are appalled and think I'm being foolish.

I understand that people have been talking about the Styles Clash after my injury. I have to say, I'm not the first guy injured by it, but I'm not going to call on him not to do the move - for me to do so would be ridiculous. What I would say is that I'd like AJ to start showing his opponent the way the move is set up before the match, and give him an opportunity to actually feel it rather than just talk it over.

I want to make very clear that what happened is completely my fault. I tucked my head; AJ did the move exactly the same as he's always done it.

LISTEN TO YOUR (LION)HEART
I would like one thing in particular to be the focal point of this column. To any wrestler - young or old, trainee or veteran - trust your gut instinct, because mine told me not to take that move, and I took it, and it's cost me. If your gut instinct tells you that you don't want to do something because you might get hurt, or you might hurt your opponent, then my advice is to listen to that.

It sounds cliched, we hear it from day one in training, and it's a term that's kind of thrown around a lot in professional wrestling, but the reality is that one single move, one slight thing wrong or a miscommunication, could be the difference between life and death, or between paralysis and being able to walk again.

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